The Divorce

The divorce process was pretty easy since we had no assets together anymore. The house we lost was in his name and I had already closed our joint bank account. The credit cards he maxed out in my name were only mine so that was something I was left with that to this day still pisses me off. When I left him he had racked up about $12,000-$15,000 in credit/loan debt with my name on it. He also had his own maxed out cards that had who knows what kind of balance was on them. I met with a lawyer whom was very nice, a woman recommended by my aunt, and the process began. A few pages of detailed paperwork: personal info, why I was filing for divorce, etc. etc. Then I met with her and we had a short discussion on the type of divorce I would be filing, (whatever the one where none of his future actions can come back onto me.) Then she told me what would happen, (He would be served via officer or certified mail the divorce papers, he then would have 30 days to sign or something court wise would happen… I think that is how it went.) If a court appearance was needed she would represent me. She told me she would start as soon as I paid her, so you bet I arrived with my $500 cash so she could start ASAP. One day I received something about going to court but since it was a few weeks away I didn’t worry. Then on November 4, 2014 I received something in the mail that would change my life forever…my final divorce papers. At first I was confused, I thought I was supposed to have a court and then here I get this legal/official looking paperwork. My mother and I kept looking at it and it and after a few minutes of reading it over and over we realized it was actually saying my divorce was final. So from that moment on I was officially single for the first time in over 7 years.

The Decision

So I have neglected this for a while now. For multiple reasons. After dealing with my husband I just got too busy to care about writing about anything. Here is the sum up of what has happened over the past months.

My last entry I mentioned how my life would change in a major way, positive or negative. Well, it has.

First the methadone didn’t work, he at some point started to try to get high while on it. Stealing and lying again. I went to the beach with my family mid July. I talked to him and checked up on him and all so it seemed fine. When I got back I realized he was taking over my life and I didn’t even see him often. I told him I didn’t want to see or talk to him for a while so I could figure out what I wanted. That conversation was hard because I could hardly get it out I wanted some space for real. He told me to contact him when I was ready.

It all gets blurry with time and when and all the details but some weeks later I decided to meet with his sister. I had made the decision, the hard decision to file for divorce and I wanted to talk to her first. We met in a coffee shop and while teary, I told her I couldn’t do it anymore. That is when she informed me he wasn’t doing good. He had been lying and stealing. She told me about things he had done. People looking for him because he owed money. He possibly robbed a store. He was no longer the man I fell in love with, he was definitely a stranger. She told me she thinks I was making the right decision and that she was worried about his future. We decided not to tell him until I met with him face to face. A drug addict is unpredictable and I didn’t want him finding out and running off. I told her Saturday I would go to his parents without him knowing I was coming and tell him. His parents knew I was coming but that’s it. So Saturday was the day I would tell my husband I was filing for divorce. That Saturday was August 2, 2014.

Saturday August 2nd rolls around and I am up, maybe 7 or 8, I don’t remember. I stayed at a friend’s house so I headed home to get my Mom so we could head to my In-Laws place. I think I get there around 9 or so. I go into the camper, nervous, and he asks me what I am doing there. I told him we need to talk and ask him to sit with me at the table. He doesn’t. He keeps walking around while I talk; getting his socks and shoes on, getting ready like it’s a normal day. I start to talk, explain how I have tried and can’t do it anymore. Explained my reasons. He doesn’t argue, he just continues to get ready and says “You gotta do what you gotta do.” I tried to explain more, I wanted to be sure he understood. He needed to, in my mind, understand how I tried. I tried so hard but knowing he wasn’t trying in return I could not subject myself to a possible terrible, fearful life with an addict. There are so many unknowns and if we had kids together that would just make the whole situation scarier. After I said all I could I got up and started to the door. I looked back at him and his last words to me were, “What are you waiting for, I’m not going to hug or kiss you goodbye.” I told him goodbye and walked out. I started to cry. My Mother-in-Law was upset. I think my Mom might have been. I don’t remember. It all happened in a matter of 20 minutes. I said my goodbyes and my Mom and I drove home.

July 2014

This will be my first current entry. Keep in mind I am sure I will post here and there about crazy things I have forgotten to mention that have happened in the past. So much has happened it has been hard to keep up with all the exact details.

July 8, 2014

My husband called me today. To inform me of his first visit to the Methadone clinic. Yes, Methadone. I am not too thrilled about the idea. He had called yesterday to get my opinion about it. This was the first time he had called since we met on July 4th. (Only 3 days later) He had talked to his Mom and sister and wanted my opinion on it. I told him to do what he needed. If that is what he thinks will work then he should try it. I of course after our phone call did all the research I could on the place to see what they really offered and the programs they had.

His Mom took him around 6am. He did all the intake stuff and filled out paperwork. Drug tested…Negative. Turns out that Opana doesn’t show on those small tests. The lady took his word that he was an addict. They want you to test positive so you don’t just try to come in and get some to sell or whatever other and many reasons people try to get it. They could also see where in the past at some point last year he was there for Opana. (He had tried to quit on his own and failed after a week) So today he met with a counselor. He met with a doctor and got a physical. He had to make weekly, monthly and yearly goals and got his dose of Methadone. He told me the dose would be upped until it lasted all day without withdrawal or urges.Eventually they will help you dose down and off of it. He was started on 30mg. He said he will probably go up to 70 but they allow past 100 o start! The program has you come in daily. They have NA meetings. You have mandatory counselor meetings. He also informed me his Dad (Who is a recovering Heroin addict) started it with him in hopes to get rid of his dependency to his own prescription pain medication. He told me a lot of information but at the same time I am at work so with patients coming in it was hard to concentrate. I talked to his Mom and even though we are both hesitant we are at the point where we need this to work. She will be taking them the 30 min drive every day to get the dose. This will be early at 6 am and just a few hours after she gets home from picking them up at work. People don’t realize the sacrifices that family members make for addicts, before, during and after recovery. This is just an example of one. I am nervous, excited and scared. I need this to work. This is my husband’s last chance and hope. I am excited if it works but scared if it fails. Either way my life will change in a major way.

Relapse

June-July 2014

We had a theme park date planned one Saturday. After he was late meeting me there claiming he was “lost” we enjoyed out day. He “forgot” the money to pay me back for the ticket but said his Mom would drop it off in the mailbox when she picked up the things I had for him. So since my parents did not get the paper Monday – Thursday I put what I had for him there. A few days passed and I kept asking him to talk to his Mom. Finally about the 3rd day of it still being there and me needing my money I texted him and asked him to talk to him Mom because I needed my money and the stuff couldn’t just sit all week. After I texted him something (Here is where I put my faith in God) told me to call my Mother-in-Law. I called her and she explained she knew nothing of picking anything up. She also informed me she had given him $80 the day of our theme park date and $40 was for me. (He acted broke during the date) This conversation was after work and thankfully after I was home and out of the car. I started to panic and cry and collapsed to the sidewalk. My Mother-in-Law asked what I wanted to do and we decided to go to his work on his break and talk to him. I could not wait until the weekend. He works 4 days a week longer 2nd shift hours. So his break was at 8:30pm. She agreed to pick me up and take me. My Mom came home and found me on the sidewalk. I explained what happened. When my Mother-in-Law arrived my Mom came with me. We went to her house until his break started. At some point I was informed that he did use at least once and his parents knew. He had went to cash a federal tax return check (Something he should have never been given) and saw an old dealer while walking out who had stuff on him. BAM, it is that easy to get back into it. I still to this day do not understand why she kept that information from me.

We arrived to his work and were waiting and waiting and he finally came out. He went to his Moms side and asked what we were doing. I got out and went to the back of the car and told him we needed to talk. The way he was acting was like the first time all over. He knew he was caught and he was ashamed about that. He was acting weird like he had before so I knew that he was using again. He told me to talk there (at the bumper of the car) and I told him we would go in his sister’s car and talk there because I had a lot to say. Told him I wasn’t there to yell. He had an attitude and said he was warming up his food inside first. His Dad had to convince him to come out because he was so worried about people seeing and wondering what was going on. We went to the car and I told him everything I could think of that was on my mind. Those thoughts were hard to collect especially knowing I had a time limit on how long I had to say it all. I laid out what I knew and how hurt I was. At first he denied. How can you deny when he admitted to his parents before? He finally admitted to that account and only that account. He only slipped up “once.” He would not confess to any other time, no matter how many facts I thre in his face pointing to multiple drug uses. Frustrated and upset his break was over and we left. At this point I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.I had told him not to call me. I checked in with is Mom because I didn’t want to talk to him. He wasn’t doing better. I wrote a long 8 page letter. It had everything in it. Sadness, distrust, threats, support and tiredness. I let him know this was it. I could no longer deal with it. I told him not to call unless he was changing. I did not want to hear from him. His Mom informed me he had changed his direct deposit into live checks and it was not longer going to his Mom. So there was hundreds a week for drugs. We somehow began to talk again. Slowly and not very often. I had not seen him in almost a month and we met up on July 4th. I laid out my final thoughts, feelings and last stands. Truth is, he has pushed me away so far and so fast that I am at the point it isn’t hard to see myself start over. I do not believe in abandoning someone you love when they need you the most but I have to look after myself and my future. I love him and want him to make this work so bad but if he shows me he isn’t really wanting or willing to then there is nothing more I can do. I had already given him 2 long phone conversations about everything and how I feel and what I need. Now I would meet him after a month of not seeing him for him to answer questions and give me a chance to lay down my final everything to him. I picked him up and we grabbed fast food and went to the close park. I couldn’t even eat. I wanted to know everything. I even went back to the beginning and re-asked questions I asked a long time ago. I wanted the truth to everything. I found out a good bit but a good bit still makes me unsure of the truth. He did this strange smile that he had gained along the way and I didn’t like it. I found out about multiple relapses. Basically he fell back into the bad habit in May. Lying and stealing a part of it. When we left, he didn’t have much to say. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see him again. I’m still not. This conversation was just last Friday. I told him not to call me nor would I be calling his Mom to check on him. If he wanted me he would have to make dramatic changes by the end of July and come after me. I was tired of chasing him. (Keep in mind he admitted to using just the day before)

Detox and Date Nights

Mid December 2013- June 2014

After I moved out, my husband invited my Mom and me to join him and his Mom for dinner. We accepted and met at a steak house. It was there that I was given back my wedding band. A surprise to me since I thought a drug dealer had it. That is when I found out he had pawned it. The rest of the dinner was awkward and felt unreal. At some point it was decided my husband needed to detox to get clean. We went to this place he was going to be going and looked into having him go. It was going to be cheap since he had no insurance. This is the part that I get confused on because he attempted going in 2 times. I get some details mixed together. One time I met him there and he would not let me go in while he talked to the front desk. (Something I should have found fisher than I did at the time.) I said my goodbyes and gave him my support. I forget how long the detoxing was supposed to be, I think up to 2 weeks. His phone was going to be turned off so this is something I checked to give myself some peace of mind. At some point he gave me a letter to open on Christmas. (He would be in the detox facility during Christmas) The letter talked about how he loved me and how it sucks to be where he is (Writing the letter like he was still in the detox facility). He wrote all these empty promises that I at the time would believe. Still slightly in denial. I called his phone Christmas morning and it is now sad to think I was most excited for his phone to go straight to voicemail. I actually said out loud something along the lines of “I got my Christmas present,” referring to my husband still being in a drug detoxing facility. Pathetic and sad to think about now. Then at some point I called again and it rang. Rang and rang and rang. That is when I knew he was out. Later to find out he didn’t even make it 12 hours there. His excuses later were that they tried to make him do meetings and exercise. That right there should have showed me he wasn’t ready. I found out he had went and spend Christmas at our house. (While I made up some excuse to my Dad’s side of the family why he wasn’t there Christmas Eve. WE told my whole Mom’s side on Christmas Eve or Day, I don’t remember) I am not sure if it was the first or 2nd attempt at detoxing that he went to go in and because he could not fail a drug test they would not let him. His sister had to go buy one for him to do because they would not give him another one so soon. He would have to wait and come back the next day. He failed that one and they let him in. His Mom and sister were with him when he went in this time. This might actually be the time he didn’t like what they were trying to make him do and the other time he might have waited for me to leave and just took off. I forget these details. One of the times it was after work and I went by to see if his sister’s car was there (He had driven it there and parked it) and it was not. This was so devastating I cried so much my parents had to come and drive me home. I had cried myself into a panic attack. This was another heartbreaking moment in my parents’ life that my husband caused. Obviously my husband wasn’t ready to quit. After Christmas and before the New Year, I think December 28th, my husband moved in with his parents. They are currently living in a camper while they have their house build. They have been in the camper at least a year and a half, probably closer to 2 years. It is here he would spend his time really detoxing. Talking to his Mom he experienced what most people coming off drugs experience. Chills, bathroom problems, tiredness. I do not know all the terrible details since I was not present for this part.

Our dog lived with me at my parent’s house a few months and now lives with my husband and his family. Our dog was a lot to handle, he is hyper and eventually got brave and ventured out far and even started going after my parents neighbor’s dog. He pooped in the house a few times and the cat could never come out of hiding with him around. He is now at my husband’s parents place with their dog and cat. He does well there and gets plenty spoiled. Over the next few months after my husband had supposedly been clean a while we tried to “date.” We would do something once a week. A movie, dinner, maybe coffee. This was nice. It was nice to feel like the old us. We did these date nights over the next few months. Our 1 year wedding anniversary was in April and he planned it. We went to a petting zoo type place and drove through a trail feeding animals, had dinner and went to a weird interpretive dance play. Then we stayed the night in a nice hotel. It felt nice. It felt semi normal again. I didn’t let my whole guard down. I had told myself no…hanky panky as my Mom likes to call it… while he was recovering. For more reasons than one. The next few months seemed great; we went to a concert, a strawberry festival, movies, dinner, coffee dates. We were doing more than what we did the whole year before. Along with these nice dates started to come lateness to picking me up. I used to meet him when his Mom dropped him off and picked him up but now he had his sister’s old car so he picked me up. (An addict with a mode of transportation, not a good idea) He never seemed to have gas and even a few times “forgot his money” at his parents. I slowly quit texting his Mom when he left dropping me off and we quit communicating like we had been. We dropped our guards there and even the tiniest things that seemed odd we didn’t piece together. In June is where our lives changed again and took another devastating turn.

Moving Out

Mid. November 2013- Mid. December 2013

After finding out my husband was an addict, the truck was taken from him but we did get the power turned back on with my Mom’s help and still lived together. (At this point the house was still ours)

I could elaborate so much on what living with an addict is like. Especially if they are not ready to get clean. They are still using, lying and manipulating. They will do whatever they can and do not care who they hurt in order to get what they want. They make empty promises just so you stay. I experienced all of this. Upon finding out my husband was an addict in mid. November we met and he “cried” and said he would change. I told him I would be there for him but surprise, surprise, he didn’t change at all. He only felt bad for being caught and told me what I wanted and needed to hear. Over the next month it was a struggle. Stressed. Crying myself to sleep. Worrying. My Mom trying to talk sense into my husband, even having to try and be mean about it. My best friend laying into him. All he would do is say he understands and again, empty promises. Late coming home was still a routine for him. At the same time he would hurt me he would try to comfort me. He knew he needed to do that to keep me there. Show he was changing and that he cared about me when in reality he only cared for one thing. Drugs. Work was hard. I had so much on my mind it was hard to forget about it all when I went to work. A few times my Mom came over to comfort me and spend time with me. Always trying to get me to move back home. I can’t even remember everything that happened over that month. So much and so little at the same time. No progression with West. A milestone 25^th Birthday for me in the middle of all of this. Nothing like I would have wanted for myself. Then at some point, something happened. Something that made me extremely upset. My Mom convinced me to spend the night with her. So I stayed the night at my parents. This is where I forget exactly what happened next it was all so fast. At some point my parents get the washer and dryer from the house so West can’t pawn them. Then after who knows how many days, 2 or 4, I have no idea; I went to the house to get some clothes. I went there just to pack some clothes and before I knew it we were packing up the house. Then, my Dad and his truck, my 2 uncles with of their trucks and my other aunt and uncle with their truck came and we are loading furniture, appliances, clothes, décor and anything else we could fit and taking it to a storage locker. It all happened so fast. The next day (maybe, I get my days mixed up) we packed the rest of the house with help from my best friend. This was me moving out and not coming back. I made the decision to leave West to live with my parents. He went to live with his. I haven’t been back to the house since. This was around mid December.

The Pawn List

Here is a list of all the things my husband has pawned to get money to buy drugs…
Note: this is just a list of the things I know of and can remember at the moment.

42” TV
32” TV
19” TV
My Nikon D300 Camera (I use for photography side business)
My Toshiba 17 1/2” Laptop (Pawned 2 times, 2nd time stolen from my parents while it was still in the pawn shops wrapping)
My Sewing Machine
My Embroidery Machine
Backpack Leaf Blower
Newest Generation IPod I gave him for his birthday
His Gun
A friends IPad Mini
His Sisters Tablet
Misc. Tools and Lawn Equipment
Large Collection of Coins (My Grandpa had given my sister and me special mint coins every year for our birthday and Christmas since we were born. Who knows the number value on those.)
My Diamond Earrings
My Wedding Band

There was also a lot he tried to sell and could not and also a few things still MIA he has not admitted to selling.

Out of all the things in the pawn shops theses are what were bought back.

My Camera
My Laptop
My Diamond Earrings
My Sewing Machine
My Embroidery Machine
His sisters tablet
His Gun
My Wedding Band

All of my stuff but my wedding band I used my money and got back myself.

*I was able to get things out since I had the pawn ticket for the item.

I also made the decision not to get things out. Since I was already moved out, I did not see the need to overpay to get an item out just to put it in storage. Plus, in my mind a lot of this is tainted. I still find it hard to look at my wedding band without getting upset. There are even 2 gashes where the pawn shop “tested” the metal.

(Side note to my wedding band: It is too big. We ordered the right size sine the jewelry place messed up. The ring came in and before I could switch them, he pawned it. Now my ring is too big and can’t be sized because of the style. Luckily my engagement ring keeps it on but it swivels around. This is just another annoying thing having a drug addict husband has caused.)

All of these items were at different pawn shops. I even addressed them and told them he was an addict and they basically told me there is nothing they could do. They could put a “note” on his account that would tell them to be careful but that was about it..

The Truth is Out

The Truth is Out: My Husband is an Addict

This all took place around the beginning of November of 2013, I think. We had lost power, for that whatever time and it wasn’t getting turned back on anytime soon. I remember laying in bed, in the dark and in the cold. Under all the blankets with socks and pants and a housecoat on. Bundled up for winter in my own house. My husband came in the room and said his sister said he could stay with her. I said no and he finally convinced me. We packed a few things and header to her house. We stayed in her guest room. It was nice to have a reliable shower and warm house. I am not sure how many days we were there when I was helping his sister pick out paint for her bathroom. We were chatting and eventually sat down and really began to talk. He was gone, of course, who knows where. We began to talk about our money issues. She told me about how her and my husband’s parents never understood why we always needed money. She explained to me that my husband would go to his parents and her and get money. For “me for gas” or a “bill” or whatever else he told them we needed money for. They never understood with the money we make why we always seemed to be broke and I seemed to be shopping. They didn’t know that I was unaware of him going to them for money. This was the first I had heard of it. It was that night I was also informed how they thought I didn’t like to be around them because there was always an excuse why I didn’t see them for things. The truth was, that is how my husband made it. He made sure our families plans conflicted and sometimes never told me about things. He did not want me and his family to get together. I am assuming it was because something like what was happening would happen. The truth would come out about things. How could it not? I am sure someone would ask about how things were going or ask if they money helped and that would lead into us realizing what he was doing. Of course, he thought of that. That is why he kept our families apart. So while I sat with his sister and compared stories and told her of all the money he “borrowed” that I never saw, we began to think. We thought back and realized tons of small things that didn’t add up. We realized there was a problem. We were not sure what to do. We got in her car and started to drive. We decided to go to her parents. We had a suspicion it was drugs. What else could it be? It was drugs, gambling or prostitutes. Drugs added up more. I remembered he had come to work to get my check and deposit it. (I had not changed my Direct Deposit yet so I got live checks) He was going to take it and deposit it into our shared account. I remembered that and logged on only to find he straight cashed it. Unfortunately that check also had my Christmas bonus. I began to panic. We arrived at his parents and as soon as I saw his Mom I broke down and cried. We talked about what his sister and I figured out and decided to confront him at his sister’s house where we were staying. I guess he got to his sisters at some point and noticed we were gone. He called me several times and I ignored the calls. He then tried to call his sister and she ignored them. We figured he would figure out something weird and not be at the house when we arrived. I left with his sister and his parents followed. This was about 11-12 at night. We arrived at his sisters and he was there. We basically cornered him into the bedroom and told him we knew what was going on. He denied it, of course. We told him all the lies we figured out and all the stuff that didn’t add up. I even brought up my missing band. He had the nerve to point and aggressively tells me I lost it. It was then in his words, actions and attitude we knew it was all true. He kept denying and eventually went outside with his Dad. His Dad came in and said he won’t admit to anything. At some point he was apparently smoking a cigarette. (Which if you knew me, know I hate most, well hated most in this world) His Dad said he told him not to let me see him doing it because he knew it would make me mad. He was really worried about that over everything else. I should have known he was smoking all along. Found cigarettes at the house in the man cave. His clothes smelt like them and once he borrowed my sister’s car and she said it smelt like them. Of course I thought “No way!” My husband who loves me would never do something I hate so much! For the next who knows how long (20 minutes, an hour, I lost track of the amount of time) we all tried to talk to him. Nothing. He wouldn’t admit to anything. He somehow made it to the other side of the small street his sister’s house was on. He was by the truck my parents are generously bought for him to use. He had his elbow on the top of the truck on the passenger side with his head down. At the time I assumed he was thinking or something along those lines. I said something too him, I can’t remember what. He looked up and there I could see it clearly in the dark, a cigarette. The visual had confirmed. Like I really needed the visual. How long he had been hiding that was another story. I went inside. I then realized what else had to happen. I had to tell my parents. How could I? When do I? After deliberation with his family I knew it had to be tonight. I couldn’t even call my Mom. My Sister-in-Law did. She called my Mom and said she needed to come over and like I requested, made sure my Dad didn’t come. There is no way I could have dealt with him that night. My Mom came over and later told me she suspected something bad but was praying it was more of a nervous “I’m pregnant” situation. I wish that was the situation. So we told my Mom everything and when she finally went home she told my Dad. He had a beer buzz so I am sure that contributed for him not immediately hunting my husband down. I think I slept there that night. I think my husband went to a friend’s. I know he wasn’t there when my Mom got there. Some of the night is a blur since my emotions were crazy. When I think about that night my eyes still get watery. My life completely changed on November 15, 2013.

Goodbye Home.

It was late April we got the letter our house was scheduled for foreclosure I didn’t understand. When did we miss a payment? I confronted my husband. He said he was late on one. (Which was a total lie) That whole process is a lengthy story in itself. Him going to fake meetings with some special banker to try to make a payment plan, giving him money to try to catch up on the payments. I even took out a $7,000 personal loan convinced that would solve the problem and that would catch us up. I gave it to him to pay and assumed it was paid. He told me the foreclosure was in the process of being stopped. When I saw online our house was up for sale in a few days I called the lawyer that represented our mortgage company and they said they never received any papers about a stopping process. I confronted my husband and then he said they changed their mind and we were not approved for the extension and we were still too far behind. It was this point I was convinced that a major bank was scamming us. When the day came that our house was to be foreclosed I remembered getting a flyer way back about Chapter 13 bankruptcy. I looked up a lawyer and called her. She assured us we had 10 days from the sale date to file in order to keep our house. So that is what we decided to do. File Chapter 13. WE needed $1,500 to pay her to file and all the court costs. I panicked because we didn’t have that money. How would we get it in just a few days? Driving home from work one day I found myself getting off the ramp and heading to my Grandmas. I got there and told her everything. At this point I was still convinced my husband took all the money I had give him and paid the bank. I was truly convinced I had a lawsuit against the bank and that they were screwing us over. I mean what other possibility was there? Surly my husband had been paying with the money I gave him so what else could it be but a major bank preying on a young couple…My Grandma gave me the money to pay the lawyer. I cashed her check and gave it to my husband to give to the attorney the next day. I was going to meet him at the lawyer’s office the next day. When I was there waiting for him the time kept passing and I kept calling. “On my way.” He would say. “Passing Blah Blah now.” Then finally when I called him he seemed to be upset and said he “couldn’t do it” and they we would need to reschedule. Well the lawyer was not going to file anything without her money. He couldn’t even be convinced to come by and drop off the money. (Because he had already spent it) Luckily his sister brought the $1,500 his Mom had given us to pay the lawyer. (Neither one of them knew I got money from my grandma) So after a few other complications and bumps in the foreclosure process, we filed. We attended our creditors meeting but had to be rescheduled because of technical difficulties on the creditors end. Eventually I found out about the drugs (Another story) and decided not to file. (I didn’t think I was filing in the first place but the lawyer misheard and filed me under Chapter 13 too) So I at least requested a voluntary dismissal. The lawyer filed that and I was dismissed. At this point I knew my husband was an addict and decided I could not live with him and make the huge monthly payments alone. So I make the best and toughest decision to tell him I wasn’t paying anything and was ok with letting the house go. (The loan was not in my name so I was spared there) My husband was later dismissed for failure to appear at the creditors’ meeting. So the Chapter 13 was out and they would eventually start the foreclosure process again on our house. That was sometime in December. It was before Christmas I decided to move out. I went to the house to get a few of my clothes after staying one night at my Parents and before I knew it, there was my Dad and his truck and 2 uncles with their trucks and we were packing up the whole house. We probably packed up about 80% that night. I now have a huge storage space filled to the top with everything that was in our house. My husband moved in with his parents and now lives in a camper with them, 2 dogs and a cat while their house is slowly being finished. I forwarded my mail and my parent’s check it occasionally in case something slipped through and went to my “old house.” I haven’t been back even to the neighborhood since I moved out.

Life Change: All Responsibility on Me

Now that my husband didn’t have a job of course I had to pay all the bills. On top of his maxed out cards and my cards and the house and the power and water, it was a lot for one person. Overwhelming. I did what I could. I would give my husband money to take to pay the house and power bills. (Another mistake I didn’t know I was making there) We began to fight a lot. He was distant. When we had people over he was always not around. He was in his man cave or “running to the store.” He didn’t seem to drink anymore and he just said he didn’t really like drinking. The fighting got louder and more frequent. Luckily it never got physical. Nothing close to physical. He would storm out and leave. This went on for months. Even so bad to where 2 weeks before we were to be married I was telling him I didn’t know who he was anymore and would cry myself to sleep more often than not. He would sleep on the couch. I was so unhappy and didn’t understand how this happened. We seemed to get through it and got married Mid-April. We went on our honeymoon and all seemed fine. Except we didn’t get to enjoy Hawaii like I would have wanted. My credit cards were almost maxed out and I didn’t even have a debit card. (Cancelled it a few days before we got married because of suspicious ATM withdrawals. Those I was totally convinced were from someone getting my info from the ATM. Who thought it was my husband stealing form me?) There was even a $40 withdrawal around midnight after our rehearsal dinner. I was convinced something was wrong. I had my card in my hand, how could this happened? It wasn’t until later of course that I found out my husband had been the culprit all along. He would steal my card and out it back before I noticed. So with little spending money we didn’t get to do all we wanted. We even fought. I remember somehow getting into an argument and being on a beach and just sitting there. Mad. So mad we finally left and went back to the hotel. There went the rest of our day. We did have fun. It wasn’t a lost cause. But even on our honeymoon credit card collectors for him called me. He “tried to find a job.” Our good friend at the time helped him get a part time job with him at a small car maintenance center. My parents even bought him a truck to help him get to his job and try to find a better one since his car always had problems. (He was constantly given money o fix one part or another. From his parents and mine!) The deal was he would eventually give it back or buy it from them. Well over the next few months’ strange things happened….

Our house was broken into in May. Not much taken. The place was totally gone through. All doors and drawers were opened. There was a bag that looks like was “left in a hurry” full of stuff but nothing of mine was actually taken. My husband’s gun s and a few other things were all that was taken. I had gone yard selling with my family and when I got back to my Mom’s I got a call and he asked if I had “been through the house” and I didn’t know what he meant. He described it and I panicked and drove with my Mom to the house. We called the police. Gave our statements. They canvassed the area. (No one saw anyone) CSI guy came and fingerprinted. (Ended up with no luck there) It was just an odd situation. Our back door was apparently easy to break into the CIS guy said. (My Dad fixed those locks, or so I thought. Later on we found out we could still get in with a card swipe.) The situation was funky and I am still to this day not 100% sure what happened. There was an attempted robbery in our neighborhood a few weeks later that a woman stopped since she was home and the people ran off. That seemed to match how our house could have been broken into. So we just assumed that was how it happened to us. It wasn’t until much later and now do I think my husband was involved or it was someone who at least knew him and wanted “revenge” or money. We filed a claim with our insurance and eventually I found out my husband had already gotten the check and cashed it. He said he used it to “pay on the house.” But why didn’t he tell me? I was arguing with the claims woman we never got it and he knew that. Just another scam by him. There was another $3,500 gone. Another day I went to the grocery store and my not even 2 week old credit card didn’t work. I was embarrassed. I said I would have to run and get my debit card at home. Left my buggy and went home. I panicked. I listened to the transactions and there had been enough cash advances to max out my card. I don’t even now remember what I did next. At one point our power was off and my husband’s sister had us stay with her until we got it turned back on. While staying there one morning I couldn’t find my wedding band. My engagement ring was there but where was my band? Again, delusional I somehow thought it fell in a crack or our dog ate it. I was even looking up costs of x-rays and making my husband promise to look through the dog poop. (Of course you can probably figure out it wasn’t “lost”) It was missing for weeks before I found out the true story. So many more strange things happened that can’t even remember right now. One ongoing battle what when we received notice of foreclosure in April. That roller coaster ride lasted until December. (Again, another story)

marriedtoadrugaddict

I Unknowingly Married a Drug Addict.